An attitude adjustment

The day after returning to Las Vegas after a week in Detroit, the band decided to leave for New Mexico around midnight. That meant getting there the same day we were to check in the hotel and perform the show. I got into Steve's Astro mini-van that was packed to the ceiling with all the equipment we needed including suitcases, speakers, monitors, mic stands, keyboards and of course my guitars. We were geared up for the long 8 hour plus drive. Steve had a couple of those high caffeine energy drinks along with energy tablets to keep him wide awake for the drive. Though the long drive would give me enough time to rest, I couldn't sleep. I was so used to sleeping a certain way back home, with complete quiet and darkness. As I was trying to adjust and trying to get some sleep, I thought about how adjusted the other band members were. For them the lack of a set routine was neither a bother nor an inconvenience. For me, the light frost on the ground seemed like enough reason to stay in the van when we stopped for coffee in Flagstaff. I shivered with cold though I was bundled up and gazed at the tiny snowflakes in the air. The trip began to feel like a mission rather than a drive to a gig. When I drove to a gig back home the only major thing I had to deal with was parking which back then seemed more like an ordeal. All those "ordeals" now seemed rather small in comparison to traveling all night in a a van on the way to New Mexico. At around 6:30 AM Steve decided to stop at a convenience store off the highway. I had assumed that he was probably getting another coffee but instead came back with a couple of beers. He in a very matter of fact tone of voice explained to me that he had mistakenly consumed too much caffeine and that the beer would bring him back to normal.(?) Steve to me seemed like a road warrior who could handle any situation that came up. He was always so calm and collected no matter what, perhaps after being on the road for quite some time, like the rest of the band. I was the newbie, the rookie as he nicknamed me. I was now getting a 5 week crash course of life on the road and wondering how soon it would be till I was adjusted like everyone else. We had a five night gig at The Sandia and another weekend gig at the Route 66 Casino in Albuquerque. So we drove to the hotel, checked in, grabbed our luggage, went to our rooms, went right to the venue, checked in at the security desk, took out the equipment, set up the stage, did a sound check, went back to the hotel and had just enough time to get ready and drive back to the venue to play about 4 sets that night. I was tired and feeling light-headed from lack of sleep. During the show, we had some technical problems with the mixing board and I had to adapt on the spot. Sometimes I also had to do what they call "winging it" by playing songs I had never rehearsed or ever played. Later that week, the gigs did become fun and I met lots of friendly people who would cheer me on as I'd play in a wild frenzy with the usual playing guitar behind the head stint that was now a regular part of the show. Sometimes people would ask me for a guitar pick or an autograph. Sometimes people would say hello as I walked around the venue and tell me I'm great. One guy wanted to meet me and waited till the gig was over so that he could ask me about how I had learned to play the guitar like that. I was being treated like star everywhere I went. Sometimes I was having so much fun that I felt guilty but then I'd get over it. We also had a weekend gig @ Route 66 so we made the 45 min drive to the venue to set up the stage the day before the gig in order to save time. Most of the equipment was in the van, so we took out the gear and set up the stage ourselves which included monitors, drums, amps, mics, mic stands and two large keyboards that had alot of cables that needed to be hooked up to a sub mixer. It took over an hour even though the van was parked right outside the entrance leading to the stage door. After we were all set up, we found out that there was going to be another band that same night and we had to tear down almost the entire set up. Tearing it down didn't take as much time as setting up but it wasn't my ideal way to spend the entire afternoon also considering that it was going to take another 45 min drive just to get back to the hotel. But at least the job itself was fun so when I thought of it like that, setting up and tearing down didn't seem so bad. At the gig, people were cheering and having fun and later we got to eat a fabulous steak dinner with wine and dessert for free at the restaurant.We had a great time as we held up our glasses and I especially loved the fact that my only job that night besides having to set up again was to play my guitar while smiling onstage. Back home, I had jobs in which I had worked at parties and now my job felt like a party. Funny how things can really change within oneself. When I came home to LA, I had gotten a call to participate on a reality based TV show called 12 Corazones on the Latin American Telemundo Network. I didn't stop to think about it much since it seemed like just another work experience. It was fun to be around the sets, the cameras, and the audience. I was doing the best I could to recall the Spanish I had learned as a child, having grown up in Miami in a Colombian family. At one point during shooting one of the producers of the show asked me if I wouldn't mind doing a short pole dance. After 5 weeks of dancing with a guitar onstage for 6 nights a week, 4 or 5 sets a night, a 20 second pole dance was going to be a piece of cake. I just sort of faked it as I knew absolutely nothing about pole dancing except from what I'd seen on television. I just was happy to have learned how to dance without tripping over my guitar cable. In my mind I was just simply picking up a little extra cash while I was at home in between road gigs. Afterwards, I went over to a pick up a CD from a drummer who's KISS tribute band was in need of an "Ace Frehley" in case I could fill in as a substitute. Doing a TV show and signing up to fill for a KISS tribute band didn't seem like a very different or unusual thing to do. It surprised me at how I no longer became stressed out over the daily details living day to day as I did before. Everything in my life seemed a little more matter of fact and very typical. Perhaps I was adjusting to the road life and really did fit in after all. It's interesting to me how while I was away I was going through a change that I hadn't notice till I got home. I couldn't say when It happened or how, but there was indeed a real shift in me that took place. I had wondered if I was ever going to adjust to pace of the road, the lack of routine, the traveling. I had answered that Craigslist ad in search of a job as a guitarist but I was getting much more than that. As grown up as I was, I was, in fact becoming more "grown up". This "job" was more than a new routine, or lack of one. It was an expansion of my conscious horizon more than I had ever hoped for or imagined.

Detroit Rock City

It was 10:30 PM. I had all my stuff packed. We were getting ready catch the red eye from McCarran Airport in Las Vegas to Detroit MI. I was ready for another adventure, to a brand new place in a brand new city. It will be OK, I thought. How hard could it be? The flight took all night as we had a layover and I didn't get any sleep. By the time we got there it was already morning. I was real tired but too wide awake to sleep. I noticed as we shuttled to the car rental place some light chunks of ice on the ground. We waited outside the as Steve went in to get the van. I was cold, tired, and beginning to think that the reason why I couldn't stop sneezing was due to an allergy but in actuality early signs of a fever. We packed the van to capacity and made the one hour drive to the hotel. I felt real tired from the traveling and from having a fever. I found myself dozing off but unable to really sleep. We got to the hotel and found out I had to share a room this time. I'm used to spending alot of time on my own and here I was surrounded by people all the time and beginning to feel claustrophobic. I had to share a room and be around someone all the time. My roommate was the bassist in the band who seemed nice enough. She let me stay at her place in Nevada. She had a lively personality onstage and offstage was a completely different person. It was almost like being around two people. She was on the phone constantly, slept late and had been on the road for years. I liked her but I wasn't exactly thrilled about sharing a room. I was going to have to make the best of it. Step it up a notch and learn how to get out of my comfort zone. At home I had what I saw as a comfortable routine. I went to the gym. I ate healthy. I am a California girl that looked at the nutrition labels before considering buying a product at the grocery store. I didn't eat junk food or drank much. I was Miss Homebody, staying at home most of the time. Now I wasn't even working in the same city. I no longer had a set routine. By the time we had got our stuff, grabbed our suitcases, checked in, we had just enough time to shower, get dressed, put on make up, drive to the venue, check in at the security desk, get our backstage passes, set up the equipment, do a sound check and then play a show of 4 sets complete with playing guitar behind my head. In between sets, I had just enough time to run down to the elevator, go down to the bottom level to the dining room to grab a bite to eat. I had worked jobs were I was rushed but this was a little different. My entire routine from traveling, no sleep, no time to eat was rushed and also a rush. The gigs were really fun and made you forget about any stress from running around all day. Some people came up to me after the show and would thank me and shake my hand. Sometimes I'd get asked for a picture or an autograph. I was surprised. I didn't think anyone would really notice much. The people there were so friendly and it warmed my heart at the reaction I'd get especially playing guitar behind my head. It was interesting to me how even when I felt exhausted and irritable, I still really loved the experience. I recall how I had a sudden rush of emotion at the airport in Michigan. I was thinking about how much and how often I had dreamed about being a musician on the road. Somehow I knew even when it never seemed to work out in the past, even when it was just a wish I carried with me to every day job I had and every moment of my waking consciousness, casting any thoughts of doubt and negativity aside. Somehow I knew that someday I'd be telling myself as I was telling myself that morning: I am here. I am really.. really.. HERE.

Music becomes a job

Fast forward as the gig continues. Staying up till 5:30 was still challenging but I was somehow getting used to it. Hanging out after the gigs either at Loser's Lounge at The Riverside Resort or at the bar. I didn't really have to get up the next day and do stuff like cook, clean or wash the dishes. Sometimes I'd walk around the resort and a few people would recognize me and say things like "Hey" You're that guitar player in the lounge aren't you?" "Great job on that guitar!" They would say. " Thanks!" I'd say and I would walk away with a smile feeling happy that all the work I did getting better was actually paying off. It was interesting to me that I had gotten this gig with little road experience at all and yet it was all working out. In between sets one night Steve had approached me and asked if I could play a Prince song that had been requested. I told him that it was on my list but I hadn't gotten around to it yet. "That's okay" He said. He took my notepad and wrote out the chords to the song. "Here you go." I looked at the paper with the chords but no form. "OK" I said." I will try it." "By the way" He continued. "Could you play the guitar solo behind your head?" "Our old guitar player used to do that." "I've never done that." I responded in a tone that was really saying that I hope I'm not expected to play stuff I had not worked out ahead of time. " Don't worry" He said. "You'll be fine." As the night went on I anticipated the big moment. I played the Prince song. Then it came. The moment of truth. I took a deep breath and I thought here goes and placed the guitar behind my head and just played. People in the lounge just stopped and gawked. It was like the time/space reality I lived in itself had stopped. Something inside of me just reached and pulled it off. I can't say I know how that happened. It's the intangible force inside of oneself that is there, pulling off things that you didn't know you could do till you do. That force inside that I've read about, talked about and heard about. Something that you can't see but nevertheless is there. It seemed like a long time had passed but it was only a few minutes. The group in the lounge cheered. Some stood up. When it was over. I got a standing ovation. The rest of the band looked at each other and smiled. This job I had never before, in places I'd never been in with people I basically just recently met was actually working out and working out well.

A changed routine

The next day, I was in my room and I got up early even though I was up late finishing the gig and then I joined the band for dinner at 1 AM. I wasn't used to staying up nearly all night and getting up late the next day. At home I had a more conventional routine. I looked out the window. I had a view overlooking the Colorado River. Across the river was Arizona and a vast view of undeveloped, untouched beautiful mountains. It looked open like the the desolate highway, so vast, so open, conjuring up images of endless possibilities and adventure that laid before me. I had pondered at the desolation of some of the areas were had a different vibe from the busy, crowded freeways in LA. I went downstairs for breakfast and noticed that there were people at the casino playing at the poker tables, drinking beer or having cocktails at 9 AM. Clearly this was a different world for me. I had forgotten that casinos never closed and that you could get a drink or gamble anytime, night or day. Everyone is on vacation and off a regular schedule. I was there to work but it was unlike any other work environment I'd ever been in. No bosses, no commuting, no clock to punch in. At my previous jobs I sometimes had to bring my guitar and I would put it in the closet till my shift was over. I also had various uniforms l had to wear like a tie or an apron. I guess you could say that things had really changed. My office was a stage. I brought my own clothes to wear onstage. I now used my guitar on the job. As long as I made it to the gig on time and played it was alright. I was pondering the changes as I went to the buffet to turn in my free meal ticket. I had the privilege of dining at the buffet twice a day. The buffets at the casinos were often a smorgasbord of a variety of things to select and enjoy. Omelets, danishes, doughnuts, french toast, cereal, oatmeal, sausages, hash browns to name a few. You could have as much or as little as you wanted. The feeling I was getting seemed to be in the air. Maybe it was something I had just thought. Maybe it was just something I had simply felt. All the books I had read about manifesting and creating your own reality was beginning to make even more sense to me. The sense that you can have anything you want . Anything. I had thought about it. dreamed about it. Visualized it on my mind dozens of times. I was tired from getting little sleep from the night before but I was too excited from the fact that I was away from home for the first time in years. I was a homebody, hardly ever leaving the house for any reason when I didn't have to work or run an errand. I just stayed home either writing songs or on the computer, reading or doing something that was related to music. Now I was surrounded by people all the time, traveling and doing gigs. I am here. I am on the road.

The journey begins

I traveled east on the 10 freeway towards Palm Springs and pulled up at the Spa Casino. I called Steve the keyboardist. They were playing gig in the lounge and on the break he came out to greet me. He seemed to mirror my own excitement. He had a sweet happy smile as he greeted me cheerfully. I sensed his excitement and I immediately felt at ease as I parked my truck and walked into the lounge. Though the club was crowded. the whole band looked at me. It's funny how a band has a dynamic all of its own, a certain group energy. Hard to explain but nevertheless is there. I sat down and watched the rest of the show. I met the band and as I chatted with their singer, I got the sense that I was going to be doing this for awhile. The next morning I drove with their bassist and headed for Nevada. It was like jumping on a moving train. The day after we headed out for Laughlin, a small casino town an hour south of Las Vegas. I checked into my room after unloading the van. After setup and sound check, I had just enough time to get ready to go to the gig to play. I was in for a surprise. No one had mentioned the choreography to the show and I found myself stumbling over my guitar cable in my attempts to follow along as I was expected to. Steve the keyboardist shouted "Hey!" at me and pointed to the other girls as they did their side to side dancing. I thought I was only going to play guitar first and learn some steps eventually and instead trying to follow dance steps as I was reading my charts of 5 sets of music. Steve had mentioned over the phone something about having to dance during the gig. I had somehow got the idea that I would be taught the steps at a rehearsal. It was never mentioned at rehearsal the day before. I was trying to keep up and not trip over my guitar cable. As I write this, I am reminded of how I once took a ballet class as a child. I vaguely remember running out of breath while trying to to catch up with the others as the teacher banged on a large bass drum while leading the class in a ring formation. It was a real challenge to stay in formation and I threw up after class. Needless to say I decided not to attend dance class again and only danced for fun. So here I was with a road gig and trying to dance while playing guitar and probably looking the way I did when I had that first dance class in kindergarten. No wonder a musician has to practice alot. That way it's all second nature while learning how to shake your booty so to speak while on stage. Well somehow my old piano teacher who often reminded me of the critical importance of practicing daily never mentioned it to me.

Getting ready

I packed up my bags on a saturday. I couldn't leave right away that day. I was going away for 5 weeks. A last minute cancelation from another band and they now were going to be playing in Palm Springs. I was asked to come and see the show and get a better idea of what to expect and what to do. Ok, here it goes. I'm about to get in my pickup truck and drive to Palm Springs to meet with a band I've never met or played with and replace their guitarist who agreed to do this last show. I looked around. Everything I needed was packed. Guitars, clothes, boots. It was soon time to go. I felt this shift inside of me. Whenever I change something big in life like a job, relationship or a place to live I often get a sense that I'm leaving something behind. For me that something is a sense of a former self. Like the way a snake sheds its old skin. I grabbed my guitars and baggage. I walked down the hall and counted backwards from 10. As soon as I counted to 1, I was going to open that hall door and leave my jobs behind. I was going on the road. I had worked many jobs at many times such as retail, in a hotel, in a couple of restaurants, telephone marketing etc.. Now I was about to work as a musician. A job I had thought about doing many times. I had done some freelance gigs as a musician here and there. Now I was about to do it full time.

A phoned in audition

It was a Wednesday in March 09. Today was the day. I had auditioned for Johnny and Steve on a 3 way cell phone call. I had to play as many Van Halen licks as I could remember that morning. "Do you finger tap?" Asked Johnny. "Can you play Journey?" So I played something that resembled tapping. What they were really asking was that being a girl, could I really play like their guy? What if I couldn't really play? They had to hear for themselves. "I'm not worried about playing" I said. "I am more concerned as how to get to Vegas and where I am going to stay". They seemed to be satisfied with my playing. "Fine." said Johnny. " We will get back to you." Somehow I knew I got the gig. I knew I was going on the road for the first time. They didn't say yes for sure but I knew I had it. I had another part time job I was doing. I remember taking the train to downtown and knowing that I had the gig. I just knew that day. it's interesting how you can really know an outcome even before it's been confirmed. Maybe it's just a feeling. Maybe just intuition. It's hard to describe. I just think of it like a knowing the way you know where you live and what your routine is everyday. Later that day as I was taking the train home I looked at my cell phone. I got a text saying in bold letters: THE GIG IS YOURS IF YOU WANT IT. I just stared at it. It's funny how you just know before you know....